Dear whoever is left of the WBAFC Board of Directors,
I wish to apply for the recently vacated position of Director of Football at the Hawthornes.
Whilst I have absolutely no previous experience of a Director of Football role, based on the success of the most recent incumbent, I would consider this fact to be a huge advantage.
I am already completely familiar with the existing policies of not giving youth a chance / selling any half decent youth players for peanuts / not doing anything to upset Barcelona, as well as being entirely confident that I could fulfil the player recruitment role in the time honoured, tombola approach to 'over paid has beens’ and 'never were’s’. I am also willing to work with more state of the art systems such as the names on a dartboard method and possibly the Ouija Board method of player selection, although I expect some training will be required with these systems.
I am willing to provide my own player recruitment divining rod if the club’d own divining rod is as broken as seems to be the case based on recent years.
Also, please be assured that I can continue to recruit using the existing method of watching whatever football competition is on freeview over the summer to spot any out of contract donkeys willing to put up with several lucrative contracts for a few years at the club.
Money Management and value for money won’t be an issue as thanks to my Missus, I am a strong believer in the putting money away every week in envelopes for each bill system. I am also very experienced in the one penny challenge method of saving for Christmas, so agreeing multi million pound player contracts will be unlikely to present any difficulties.
Finally, in view of my recent application for the vacant First Team Manager / Player Coach role, I want to assure you that I am willing to take on both roles simultaneously, again on a part time basis, as the DOF role doesn’t seem to amount to more than a couple of hours work a week, albeit, I acknowledge that more time is needed during the all important watching summer tournament on TV period.
Obviously, some thought will need to be applied to the logistics of appointing me to both roles as this may raise the issue of having to sack myself in a few weeks time, however I feel certain that with our current Fred Carno approach to running the club, this won’t be an issue.
I trust you find this application of interest & I look forward to your favourable reply.
Best regards.
Manc Baggie.