Thieves rinse him of his watch and somehow manage to miss the presence of a rather large Range Rover parked close by which he was walking towards. 'Cleverest' footballer on the planet somehow escapes their further attentions and drives a whole fifteen feet/yards to play hide and seek around the corner in an invisible motor vehicle which he somehow managed to find despite being three times over the limit.
Even at his fittest Saido was not known for his blistering turn of pace, nor for being the brightest of sparklers in November either. His assailants must have had the collective vision of bats in welding goggles, been on zimmer frames, obese and incredibly dense. Lucky old Saido to have stumbled across the stupidest, fattest and most incompetent muggers on the planet. Sounds like there must have been a Pink Panther convention nearby. Who would have thunked 'why me?' could have such a turn of good fortune immediately on top of so much bad?