Dear WBAFC Board of Directors,
I wish to apply for the position of football manager to run the first team for a few weeks until the first losing run whereby you will obviously sack me.
I have absolutely no experience of football management, placing me in the category of a ‘left field appointment' which you occasionally like to pull out of thin air & inflict up us weary supporters, so this should work nicely with your current ‘don’t have a scooby doo’ approach to the managerial appointment & the club in general.
I have however seen 'Mike Bassett, England Manager’ several times, which I think more than qualifies me for the current vacant role at the Hawthornes.
I am currently in full time employment, but I don’t envisage this being a barrier to the successful appointment & subsequent sacking, as thanks to having little or no input into transfers & therefore the teams playing style which seem to be handled by Mr Dowling and the fact that our players seem about as fit as I am, I should be ok to manage the club on a part time basis. Overall a win - win situation as my appointment will not require any compensation payment to my current employers. Mr Lai, please take note.
I should be available to start almost immediately, but please note I have a haircut booked for 24/06/21, my son’s school play to attend on 06/07/21 & a weeks holiday in Wales booked from 07/08/21 to 14/08/21, so kindly factor those dates into your planning as to when you would intend to sack me.
Whilst player recruitment is clearly not something you want to confuse any manager with, if it helps, I would of course be more than happy to undertake the position in a player/coach capacity. I have severe arthritis in my my left knee & doubt I can pass a ball more than 3 feet, so I would be a considerable upgrade to our current central midfielders of Livermore & Sawyers.
I trust you find this application of interest & I look forward to your favourable reply.
Best regards.
Manc Baggie.